Exactly one year ago from today, I won two tickets to a mixed martial arts championship by giving the correct answer to a radio DJ’s trivia question about the show “I Love Lucy”. I told my husband, Mark, the news as soon as I got home from work. This was the day I found out that I had apparently married a martial arts guru. Mark began to excitingly rattle off information on the top fighters, and how he could take any of them in a one on one brawl.
While Mark was getting his testosterone fill during the fight, we had some downtime between matchups. Mark eyed a video game in the Coliseum’s arcade and decided to showcase his reflexes by playing a game of Dance Dance Revolution. Now mind you, my husband, has the reflexes of a senile bingo player. Watching my husband play a pre-pubescent teenager in a video game was priceless.
Fourteen rematches and five overpriced bottles of water later, Mark realized that maybe he wasn’t the young athlete he once used to be. On the ride home, I consoled him by reminding him that he outgrew video games a long time ago and there was no way he could out DDR a practiced 12 year old. I really got a chuckle out of Mark defending his outdated skills in video games and smack talking a 12 year old behind his back. Oh, and the mixed martial arts was fun too.
I get embarrassed just thinking about this one.
I was with my husband on a trip in Niagara Falls. We had been on the Canadian side and were about ready to cross back over to the US side. As we were going through customs my husband was driving our large truck and he pulled slowly to the window where the guard was standing.
The guard looks at my husband and says, “What is your nationality?” My husband spouts off “Ohio” (state changed to protect the innocent LOL).
The guard looks a bit irritated and says again, “What is your nationality?” My husband is clearly confused at this point and looks toward me for advice…I said under my breath, “Tell him you are AMERICAN!!!” The whole time I was thinking, “Oh my gosh.
They are going to pull out the SWAT team on us any moment. We are not going to get back across the border!!” I will NEVER forget the expressions on the guards face, my husband’s or the lovely feeling as we finally crossed safely back into the US.
I woke up and went downstairs, expecting to see a Valentine’s Day card on the kitchen counter. Nothing. Flowers? Nope. Maybe a box of chocolates? Nada. Now, I know some of my friends aren’t that big on Valentine’s Day, but I am–and Pete, my husband, knows it—in fact, he actually proposed on February 14th because he knew how much the day means to me.
No Valentine? This was not good.
Hoping that he planned a secret surprise, I went ahead with my Valentine’s gift (breakfast in bed, a perfect card, and a gift certificate for an hour massage at his favorite spa). I brought everything upstairs, and he just smiled, kissed me and told me to wait. I still remember him saying, “It’s going to be great.”
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My husband had done little but play video games since he was given a Wii for his birthday. For some reason, he took a strange liking toward a fast food based video game called “Drive Thru.”
Intent on setting high score after high score, he would eat all the burgers in the maze while eating real hamburgers that I’d cooked for him. This beef intensive diet was causing me to worry about his physical health as well.
The questions began to mount in my mind.
“Perhaps he’s acting out some childhood lack of fun and adventure?”
“Perhaps it’s the smell of healthy food that I’ve been eating that made him snap.”
“Has he even snapped yet?”
“Maybe he doesn’t know what’s real anymore!”
At first my concerns weren’t taken seriously. He would lay his controller-blistered hand on my hand to comfort me. But, eventually I became more persistent in my questioning. And he finally became more serious in his answers.
“Do you realize I might be the best player in the world?” he asked inquisitively. “How many people do you know that are the best at something?”
I had a slightly different view of him. He saw himself as a conqueror, achieving new heights with every sit-down. I saw him as a guy on a couch, covered in fallen sesame seed bun crumbs.
This might call for some drastic action. I soon started swapping the ground beef for veggie burgers to make his diet a bit more stable. He didn’t seem to notice the change through his intense frame of mind.
And as for the game, well, the “deep fry high” seems to finally be wearing off for him. He’s down to an every other day “Drive Thru” habit.
I could hear my three children splashing and giggling as I walked down the hallway. I stopped at the bathroom doorway and poked my head inside. My exuberant 2 and 3 year olds were joyfully screeching, bouncing and smacking the water. Even though the bathroom was a mess and my husband looked like he had just emerged from a whirlpool, I thought, “all good, at least the kids are having fun and will be clean” so I went downstairs to make dinner for me and my husband.
A little while later, my husband brought the kids in with their warm, comfy pajamas on. When I went to give them a big kiss and hug, I noticed that they had Spaghetti O’s in their hair and something that smelled like syrup on their face. “Ughh, hon, why are the kids still so dirty?” He just shrugged and replied, “I gave them a bath…what’s wrong?” “Hmm…..did you shampoo and condition in their hair?” As he was staring blankly back at me, it occurred to me that he probably didn’t use soap either. And, when I asked him, he just smiled and said, “You didn’t say I needed to use soap or shampoo.”
So, as my husband went to watch some basketball, I took the kids back to the bath……and, when I walked in, yup, floor flooded, towels strewn, soap, shampoo and conditioner nowhere to be found.
Word of advice……be very specific if you need anything done.
For our anniversary, my husband and I decided to go out for a romantic dinner. When it came time to leave, my husband starting searching frantically for his keys.
“Where’d you leave them?” I asked, genuinely concerned. He usually leaves them on a ring in the kitchen but they were clearly not there. We looked everywhere in the house and my husband kept re-tracking his steps but to no avail.
We were now already an hour late for dinner so we just called and cancelled. We ended up ordering chinese food. My husband went upstairs to change out of his nice clothes and when he came down he had his keys in his hand. Before I could say anything, he looked at me sheepishly and said the keys were in his pocket the whole time. Thankfully we laughed.
Bryan and I have been married only three weeks and have just moved in to our new apartment after our weeklong honeymoon.
We’re both young…in our 20’s but madly in love. Our parents (especially mine) are still not so sure we’re ready for this commitment, so we decided to try and convince them by inviting my parents over to our new apartment for a fabulous home cooked dinner.
Unfortunately I had a meeting at work come up at the last minute, which caused me a lot of stress, because dinner needed to be perfect (my parents are kind of picky), and Bryan does not cook. I have given him a very simple recipe of salmon and broccoli as a side, with very detailed instructions on how to do it, but I was still a bit worried.
I really wanted dinner to be perfect because my parents are nice, but a little stiff and it’s hard to get them to loosen up and enjoy themselves.
A few years ago my husband was out of town on business for our anniversary. He said he’d gotten something for me on his trip. He’d come back in town late so we went to lunch the next day. As we leave his office together, his assistant hands him a plastic bag. She was trying to be discreet but I saw it. When it’s time to exchange gifts, he pulls a card and gift out of the same bag his assistant handed him. I know the store where the gift was purchased. There isn’t a store where he was on trip. He didn’t buy anything on that trip! He had his assistant buy my gift and tried to pass it off as his handiwork.
As I walked into the front door of our house after getting home from work, Chris walked up to me and gave me a big hug. He gets home before I do usually.
“Hey Kara, how was your day,” he asked. “Busy,” I replied. “I’m glad I’m finally home so we can get everything taken care of for our barbecue tomorrow and have some time to relax.”
“Yeah, we can watch a chick flick or something. Well, you can watch one and I’ll sit with you and pretend that I’m watching while I’m really probably just going to fall asleep.” I laughed at him and playfully pushed him away.
“Did you remember to get my soap at the store,” Chris asked.
I looked at him with a look of shame and said, “Oh my goodness, I forgot all about going to the store! I am so sorry. I’ll go back and get it.” Chris smirked and said, “I thought you might forget. It’s okay. I’ll just use yours tonight and smell a little fruity tomorrow for the barbecue. It’s better than smelling bad!” We agreed to this and began the process of marinating our steaks for the next day.
When we woke up the next morning, Chris rolled over and sleepily said, “Your soap made my skin tingle when I used it, and now it feels weird.” I said, “It’s supposed to tingle. It’s exfoliating” as I chalked Chris’ statement up to the fact that he had never used girly soap before and thought nothing of it.
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