Mashed Sugar Dough “Potatoes”

I was making melt in your mouth sugar cookies last night along with pork tenderloin and some vegetables. I walked in the kitchen to find my husband piling his plate full of delicious food. He had tenderloin, corn, macaroni and cheese and my cookie batter on his plate. I gave him a strange look and he kept piling on the food.

He said, “What’s wrong with the potatoes?”

“What potatoes?”

“You’re mashed potatoes. What did you use in them?”

Silly man had thought my cookie dough batter was mashed potatoes and just thought that I had royally effed them up. The crazy part…he was still considering eating them and if I had not caught him with them on his plate he would have taken a huge bite of mashed sugar dough “potatoes”. I was rolling!!!

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My Super “Hot” Hubby

My husband and I have been trying to avoid getting bored in our marriage by proactively taking steps to ensure that this doesn’t happen. We have been married 15 years. I am 40 and he is 46. One of the ideas that we came up with was to go dancing at a club like we did when we were younger.

We thought it would be fun to have a contest and see who gets “hit on” the most. We are both good looking for our age, but didn’t quite look like most of the young hip 20s crowd.

After about an hour (and more than a few cocktails), we had enough courage to split up and see who would “win” the bet.

I walked around a bit, saw some appreciative glances in my direction and even managed to get asked to dance. I was feeling pretty good until I saw my husband (with a big goofy grin on his face ) draped in the arms of a woman. Of course, I felt a little pang of jealousy that he so clearly won our bet, but figured fair is fair and let him have his moment of glory. After a few minutes, I strolled over to retrieve him from her clutches. She was very sweet and very pretty and my husband looked like he had just signed with the Yankees.

I told him it was time to go home (hubby looking very triumphant) but as we were walking away, she grabbed us. I thought she was gearing up for a fight, but she giggled and said, “thanks for loaning me your husband. I was trying to get away from a guy that was hitting on me so I told him that your husband was my protective Father and he better stay away.”

I couldn’t stop laughing the entire way home. As you can imagine, that was the last time we went to a club.

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First Child

BabyMy husband and I had our first child recently. Our child had his first doctor’s appointment when he was a week old. We gathered his things and went to the appointment. After leaving the appointment, we gathered his things and returned home. I was still recovering from a C-section at the time. So, my husband was in charge of carrying the car seat for the time being. I got out of the car and shut the door. My husband got out of the car, pushed the door luck and shut the door. I just stared at him. He gave me one of those “What are you looking at me for?” looks.

I continued to stare at him and finally I asked him, “Did you forget something?” Eventually it hit him that he forgot to get the baby out of the back seat before locking the door. Needless to say he felt both embarrassed. Let’s just hope this doesn’t happen again.

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Third Anniversary Surprise

tie rackFor our third wedding anniversary, my husband surprised me. He arranged our dinner out that night and the babysitter for our kids. I didn’t have to do anything but be ready at the appointed time. He picked a good restaurant and we had a lovely time. He told me my gift would be waiting at home and that I’d love it. As you can imagine, the excitement was almost too much to bear. We get home, I walk into our closet and sitting on the floor is my gift. A tie rack. Yep, a tie rack. He thought it’d be the perfect gift since I’m always complaining about his ties being everywhere. Now I can have the neat and organized closet I want. Sigh… yay.

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Abt Noam

Our son, Alex, was finishing up his senior year of college, and he and his friends were scrambling to secure jobs.  He had a good friend named Noam, who had been offered a paralegal position at a law firm in Washington, DC.  He was pleased to have a job offer, but he had really wanted to work in their NY office.

When Alex came home for the weekend, he asked his dad if he knew any lawyers at the law firm in question.  “Sure,” said Fred.  “I went to college with a couple of the guys who are now partners.  What do you need?”

Alex asked his father to contact one of the partners to see if he could get Noam’s position switched to NY, without offending the DC office.

“No problem,” Fred replied.

Alex went back to school on Monday, and was a little worried that his dad might forget all about it.  That evening, he sent Fred a text, “don’t forget abt noam.”

Fred HAD forgotten all about it, but this was just the reminder he needed.   He pulled out his Blackberry, and drafted a quick email to his good friend, Phil.  “I am writing to ask for a favor for my son’s friend, Abt Noam.  I have known Abt Noam for about three years, and he is a great kid.  He has received a job offer in your DC office and would prefer to work in NY.  Might you be able to help Abt out?  Let’s talk tomorrow.”

Now, it is pretty important for Fred to get credit for his good deeds, so he blind-copied me on the email.

I read my screen in disbelief.  “What!  Who is Abt?  I know the boy’s name is a bit different, but really…getting it completely wrong?”

Continue reading this story »

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Linked…In A Lame Way

Social MediaI own a business, and I am on Linked In. I have a profile with a couple hundred connections. I am not really an active user, but I read it whenever I get updates, and it is important for my business, as I can research potential new hires, vendors and service providers.

My husband is new to Linked In. He has a profile with a couple of skills listed, as well as a few connections.

Yesterday, I received several email notifications. “You have received an endorsement on Linked In”–five separate times. I read the emails more closely. They were endorsements from my husband! How embarrassing is that? I have no endorsements from people I have actually worked with, but I now have five, and they are all from him.

When I asked him, “Why?” he simply smiled and said that he thought it was like “friending” someone on Facebook. Ugh. Super mortifying.

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30th Birthday Surprise

Birthday CakeWhen my 30th birthday was coming up, I was getting excited but tried not to show it.

I figured with it being a bit of a milestone, my husband would be doing something extra special to make my day bright. He told me to make sure I could leave work early and meet him for dinner at our favourite restaurant. I had all kinds of thoughts running through my head. We’d talked about going on an overseas trip so I thought maybe he’d be surprising me with this fantasy trip we’d talked about for so long. Well, we got to the restaurant and had a delicious meal. There was no mention of any trip or birthday present or anything during our conversation.

I started to think that maybe he hadn’t gotten me anything at all. But he assured me that he did have something special waiting for me in the car. We soon left the restaurant and were driving when he suddenly said he had to run an errand. He stopped the car at a hardware store and I just assumed he needed something for his job. But, no. That wasn’t it at all. When he got back in the car, he looked at me and said, “Happy Birthday. Enjoy.”

Then he tossed the bag over to me and I looked inside. There sitting in a paper bag was a shower head to replace the one that had broken in our bathroom! And to top it off, he looked so proud of himself. So now when my birthday rolls around, I keep my expectations low.

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A Lame 30th Birthday

We’ve heard this before. He promises a great surprise and then when the gift arrives… well, you can come to your own conclusions about this one.

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Lawnmowers

LawnmowerOur lawnmower has been broken for a few weeks now. My husband has been begging me to consider going to look at and purchase a new one. I want to get him a lawnmower, but something else always seems to break and get in the way first: the car, the truck, the washer, the dryer or the television.  It never seems to fail. As soon as we want to go out and purchase a new lawnmower, something else comes up that we need to buy first or that I consider being more important.

One day I came home from work to find my husband trying to plead his case in regards to getting a new lawnmower. He was sitting in our yard cutting grass with a pair of scissors. I went in the house and returned outside a few minutes later with a toothbrush in hand. “Do you think you can sweep the driveway when you are finished with the grass?” I asked handing him the toothbrush. Needless to say, his plea did not get the reaction he wanted.

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Name That Man

My husband had spent the day at a conference.  He was tired, but it was “date night,” and he agreed to meet me at a new restaurant on Las Olas Boulevard.

When we sat down, the waitress came over to take our drink order.  He was wearing one of those giant nametags—the ones that say, “Hello, My Name is________”

The waitress took my drink order, winked at me, and turned to my husband and said, “Mike, what can I get you?”

He was a bit taken aback.  “Uh.  I’ll have a gin and tonic, please.”

As the waitress walked away, I leaned in and said, “Mike, how do you KNOW her?”

“I don’t!” he exclaimed.  “Uh…I…uh…I don’t know how she knew my name.”

“Really?  You have never met her?”   I could hardly contain my amusement.

The waitress appeared a few seconds later with our drinks.  She was flirting with him at this point, clearly making Mike even more uncomfortable.

After she set his drink down, we both looked at him and simultaneously pointed to his nametag.  I think Mike’s reaction was a combination of slight annoyance and utter relief.

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