Faux Hawks

MohawkIt was Saturday—a day of errands for him, and a day of rest for me.  At least, that was my plan.  I sent my husband off to the mall with our four-year-old twins, Patrick and Teddy.  They needed sneakers, fleece gloves and haircuts.  The errands were not meant to be challenging.

Off to Fair Oaks they went.  They hit Stride Rite and got cool Velcro sneakers.  They went to Eddie Bauer and got fleece gloves with hidden “spy” pockets.  Then it was time for the haircuts.  I had mentioned to Ed that the boys really like Faux-Hawks–you know– when they get the regular boys’ haircuts, and then spike the middle to resemble a Mohawk for the day?

They went to Cartoon Cuts, the haircut place for kids.  Apparently, Ed did not pay very close attention to my words (shocking).  He signed the boys in and told the stylists that they wanted the kind of cut where the hair was spiked in the middle.  “Mohawks?”  The stylists asked in unison.  “Yeah—that’s it.”  So, they went to work.  They shaved and shaved both sides of both heads.  Pretty soon, all that was left was the long patch of hair down the middle of each boy’s head.

Ed shifted a little uncomfortably in his seat in the waiting room.  Hmmm.  That was not quite what he meant.  But, he plastered a grin on his face and gave his sons a double thumbs up.

But, boy…did I have some choice words for him when he got home that day!

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Valentine’s Day

I woke up and went downstairs, expecting to see a Valentine’s Day card on the kitchen counter. Nothing. Flowers? Nope. Maybe a box of chocolates? Nada. Now, I know some of my friends aren’t that big on Valentine’s Day, but I am–and Pete, my husband, knows it—in fact, he actually proposed on February 14th because he knew how much the day means to me.

No Valentine? This was not good.

Hoping that he planned a secret surprise, I went ahead with my Valentine’s gift (breakfast in bed, a perfect card, and a gift certificate for an hour massage at his favorite spa). I brought everything upstairs, and he just smiled, kissed me and told me to wait. I still remember him saying, “It’s going to be great.”

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Name That Man

My husband had spent the day at a conference.  He was tired, but it was “date night,” and he agreed to meet me at a new restaurant on Las Olas Boulevard.

When we sat down, the waitress came over to take our drink order.  He was wearing one of those giant nametags—the ones that say, “Hello, My Name is________”

The waitress took my drink order, winked at me, and turned to my husband and said, “Mike, what can I get you?”

He was a bit taken aback.  “Uh.  I’ll have a gin and tonic, please.”

As the waitress walked away, I leaned in and said, “Mike, how do you KNOW her?”

“I don’t!” he exclaimed.  “Uh…I…uh…I don’t know how she knew my name.”

“Really?  You have never met her?”   I could hardly contain my amusement.

The waitress appeared a few seconds later with our drinks.  She was flirting with him at this point, clearly making Mike even more uncomfortable.

After she set his drink down, we both looked at him and simultaneously pointed to his nametag.  I think Mike’s reaction was a combination of slight annoyance and utter relief.

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Abt Noam

Our son, Alex, was finishing up his senior year of college, and he and his friends were scrambling to secure jobs.  He had a good friend named Noam, who had been offered a paralegal position at a law firm in Washington, DC.  He was pleased to have a job offer, but he had really wanted to work in their NY office.

When Alex came home for the weekend, he asked his dad if he knew any lawyers at the law firm in question.  “Sure,” said Fred.  “I went to college with a couple of the guys who are now partners.  What do you need?”

Alex asked his father to contact one of the partners to see if he could get Noam’s position switched to NY, without offending the DC office.

“No problem,” Fred replied.

Alex went back to school on Monday, and was a little worried that his dad might forget all about it.  That evening, he sent Fred a text, “don’t forget abt noam.”

Fred HAD forgotten all about it, but this was just the reminder he needed.   He pulled out his Blackberry, and drafted a quick email to his good friend, Phil.  “I am writing to ask for a favor for my son’s friend, Abt Noam.  I have known Abt Noam for about three years, and he is a great kid.  He has received a job offer in your DC office and would prefer to work in NY.  Might you be able to help Abt out?  Let’s talk tomorrow.”

Now, it is pretty important for Fred to get credit for his good deeds, so he blind-copied me on the email.

I read my screen in disbelief.  “What!  Who is Abt?  I know the boy’s name is a bit different, but really…getting it completely wrong?”

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Something Strange On The Burner

Fish slabBryan and I have been married only three weeks and have just moved in to our new apartment after our weeklong honeymoon.

We’re both young…in our 20’s but madly in love. Our parents (especially mine) are still not so sure we’re ready for this commitment, so we decided to try and convince them by inviting my parents over to our new apartment for a fabulous home cooked dinner.

Unfortunately I had a meeting at work come up at the last minute, which caused me a lot of stress, because dinner needed to be perfect (my parents are kind of picky), and Bryan does not cook.  I have given him a very simple recipe of salmon and broccoli as a side, with very detailed instructions on how to do it, but I was still a bit worried.

I really wanted dinner to be perfect because my parents are nice, but a little stiff and it’s hard to get them to loosen up and enjoy themselves.

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A Lame 30th Birthday

We’ve heard this before. He promises a great surprise and then when the gift arrives… well, you can come to your own conclusions about this one.

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First Child

BabyMy husband and I had our first child recently. Our child had his first doctor’s appointment when he was a week old. We gathered his things and went to the appointment. After leaving the appointment, we gathered his things and returned home. I was still recovering from a C-section at the time. So, my husband was in charge of carrying the car seat for the time being. I got out of the car and shut the door. My husband got out of the car, pushed the door luck and shut the door. I just stared at him. He gave me one of those “What are you looking at me for?” looks.

I continued to stare at him and finally I asked him, “Did you forget something?” Eventually it hit him that he forgot to get the baby out of the back seat before locking the door. Needless to say he felt both embarrassed. Let’s just hope this doesn’t happen again.

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Surprise 50th

Guy from the Book of MormonA few years ago, I decided to throw a surprise 50th birthday party for John. I had been moderately successful for his big-3-0 and the scary-4-0, so I was worried that he might be expecting something. I had to get creative. His birthday is in January, and mine is in November.

VIOLA! I would throw HIS party on MY birthday, that way I could “fake plan” the worst night of his life, and then surprise him with the party of his dreams.

Now, you have to know that while John is a mostly wonderful husband, he’s a total guy kind of guy– a die hard fan of ESPN, “his” Giants, and cigars. He LOVES cigars. Luckily, we don’t live that far from Manhattan, which is a cigar mecca. For his birthday, I would find a cigar bar, invite twenty of our closest friends, rent a black jack table, and celebrate Macanudo-style.

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My Super “Hot” Hubby

My husband and I have been trying to avoid getting bored in our marriage by proactively taking steps to ensure that this doesn’t happen. We have been married 15 years. I am 40 and he is 46. One of the ideas that we came up with was to go dancing at a club like we did when we were younger.

We thought it would be fun to have a contest and see who gets “hit on” the most. We are both good looking for our age, but didn’t quite look like most of the young hip 20s crowd.

After about an hour (and more than a few cocktails), we had enough courage to split up and see who would “win” the bet.

I walked around a bit, saw some appreciative glances in my direction and even managed to get asked to dance. I was feeling pretty good until I saw my husband (with a big goofy grin on his face ) draped in the arms of a woman. Of course, I felt a little pang of jealousy that he so clearly won our bet, but figured fair is fair and let him have his moment of glory. After a few minutes, I strolled over to retrieve him from her clutches. She was very sweet and very pretty and my husband looked like he had just signed with the Yankees.

I told him it was time to go home (hubby looking very triumphant) but as we were walking away, she grabbed us. I thought she was gearing up for a fight, but she giggled and said, “thanks for loaning me your husband. I was trying to get away from a guy that was hitting on me so I told him that your husband was my protective Father and he better stay away.”

I couldn’t stop laughing the entire way home. As you can imagine, that was the last time we went to a club.

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Third Anniversary Surprise

tie rackFor our third wedding anniversary, my husband surprised me. He arranged our dinner out that night and the babysitter for our kids. I didn’t have to do anything but be ready at the appointed time. He picked a good restaurant and we had a lovely time. He told me my gift would be waiting at home and that I’d love it. As you can imagine, the excitement was almost too much to bear. We get home, I walk into our closet and sitting on the floor is my gift. A tie rack. Yep, a tie rack. He thought it’d be the perfect gift since I’m always complaining about his ties being everywhere. Now I can have the neat and organized closet I want. Sigh… yay.

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