Linked…In A Lame Way

Social MediaI own a business, and I am on Linked In. I have a profile with a couple hundred connections. I am not really an active user, but I read it whenever I get updates, and it is important for my business, as I can research potential new hires, vendors and service providers.

My husband is new to Linked In. He has a profile with a couple of skills listed, as well as a few connections.

Yesterday, I received several email notifications. “You have received an endorsement on Linked In”–five separate times. I read the emails more closely. They were endorsements from my husband! How embarrassing is that? I have no endorsements from people I have actually worked with, but I now have five, and they are all from him.

When I asked him, “Why?” he simply smiled and said that he thought it was like “friending” someone on Facebook. Ugh. Super mortifying.

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Lawnmowers

LawnmowerOur lawnmower has been broken for a few weeks now. My husband has been begging me to consider going to look at and purchase a new one. I want to get him a lawnmower, but something else always seems to break and get in the way first: the car, the truck, the washer, the dryer or the television.  It never seems to fail. As soon as we want to go out and purchase a new lawnmower, something else comes up that we need to buy first or that I consider being more important.

One day I came home from work to find my husband trying to plead his case in regards to getting a new lawnmower. He was sitting in our yard cutting grass with a pair of scissors. I went in the house and returned outside a few minutes later with a toothbrush in hand. “Do you think you can sweep the driveway when you are finished with the grass?” I asked handing him the toothbrush. Needless to say, his plea did not get the reaction he wanted.

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A Lame 30th Birthday

We’ve heard this before. He promises a great surprise and then when the gift arrives… well, you can come to your own conclusions about this one.

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Third Anniversary Surprise

tie rackFor our third wedding anniversary, my husband surprised me. He arranged our dinner out that night and the babysitter for our kids. I didn’t have to do anything but be ready at the appointed time. He picked a good restaurant and we had a lovely time. He told me my gift would be waiting at home and that I’d love it. As you can imagine, the excitement was almost too much to bear. We get home, I walk into our closet and sitting on the floor is my gift. A tie rack. Yep, a tie rack. He thought it’d be the perfect gift since I’m always complaining about his ties being everywhere. Now I can have the neat and organized closet I want. Sigh… yay.

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Name That Man

My husband had spent the day at a conference.  He was tired, but it was “date night,” and he agreed to meet me at a new restaurant on Las Olas Boulevard.

When we sat down, the waitress came over to take our drink order.  He was wearing one of those giant nametags—the ones that say, “Hello, My Name is________”

The waitress took my drink order, winked at me, and turned to my husband and said, “Mike, what can I get you?”

He was a bit taken aback.  “Uh.  I’ll have a gin and tonic, please.”

As the waitress walked away, I leaned in and said, “Mike, how do you KNOW her?”

“I don’t!” he exclaimed.  “Uh…I…uh…I don’t know how she knew my name.”

“Really?  You have never met her?”   I could hardly contain my amusement.

The waitress appeared a few seconds later with our drinks.  She was flirting with him at this point, clearly making Mike even more uncomfortable.

After she set his drink down, we both looked at him and simultaneously pointed to his nametag.  I think Mike’s reaction was a combination of slight annoyance and utter relief.

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Faux Hawks

MohawkIt was Saturday—a day of errands for him, and a day of rest for me.  At least, that was my plan.  I sent my husband off to the mall with our four-year-old twins, Patrick and Teddy.  They needed sneakers, fleece gloves and haircuts.  The errands were not meant to be challenging.

Off to Fair Oaks they went.  They hit Stride Rite and got cool Velcro sneakers.  They went to Eddie Bauer and got fleece gloves with hidden “spy” pockets.  Then it was time for the haircuts.  I had mentioned to Ed that the boys really like Faux-Hawks–you know– when they get the regular boys’ haircuts, and then spike the middle to resemble a Mohawk for the day?

They went to Cartoon Cuts, the haircut place for kids.  Apparently, Ed did not pay very close attention to my words (shocking).  He signed the boys in and told the stylists that they wanted the kind of cut where the hair was spiked in the middle.  “Mohawks?”  The stylists asked in unison.  “Yeah—that’s it.”  So, they went to work.  They shaved and shaved both sides of both heads.  Pretty soon, all that was left was the long patch of hair down the middle of each boy’s head.

Ed shifted a little uncomfortably in his seat in the waiting room.  Hmmm.  That was not quite what he meant.  But, he plastered a grin on his face and gave his sons a double thumbs up.

But, boy…did I have some choice words for him when he got home that day!

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Football Fan

Football We have three boys, and as you might imagine, the television is tuned to sports 24-7.  My husband enjoys sports, but he is not really a sports nut.  As the boys have grown, they have gotten even more interested in the rules of the game, and they follow the statistics of each and every player.

My husband has been able to “fake” his knowledge for the most part.  However, last Sunday, during the football game, there were several calls by the ref that were questionable.  The three boys started arguing to prove their respective points.  I know my husband wanted to step in as the expert, but he was stumped!

It was then that I noticed him excusing himself to the bathroom with “The Female Fan Guide to Pro Football” tucked under his arm.

Lame?  Maybe.  But, adorable…nonetheless.

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First Child

BabyMy husband and I had our first child recently. Our child had his first doctor’s appointment when he was a week old. We gathered his things and went to the appointment. After leaving the appointment, we gathered his things and returned home. I was still recovering from a C-section at the time. So, my husband was in charge of carrying the car seat for the time being. I got out of the car and shut the door. My husband got out of the car, pushed the door luck and shut the door. I just stared at him. He gave me one of those “What are you looking at me for?” looks.

I continued to stare at him and finally I asked him, “Did you forget something?” Eventually it hit him that he forgot to get the baby out of the back seat before locking the door. Needless to say he felt both embarrassed. Let’s just hope this doesn’t happen again.

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Surprise 50th

Guy from the Book of MormonA few years ago, I decided to throw a surprise 50th birthday party for John. I had been moderately successful for his big-3-0 and the scary-4-0, so I was worried that he might be expecting something. I had to get creative. His birthday is in January, and mine is in November.

VIOLA! I would throw HIS party on MY birthday, that way I could “fake plan” the worst night of his life, and then surprise him with the party of his dreams.

Now, you have to know that while John is a mostly wonderful husband, he’s a total guy kind of guy– a die hard fan of ESPN, “his” Giants, and cigars. He LOVES cigars. Luckily, we don’t live that far from Manhattan, which is a cigar mecca. For his birthday, I would find a cigar bar, invite twenty of our closest friends, rent a black jack table, and celebrate Macanudo-style.

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Valentine’s Day

I woke up and went downstairs, expecting to see a Valentine’s Day card on the kitchen counter. Nothing. Flowers? Nope. Maybe a box of chocolates? Nada. Now, I know some of my friends aren’t that big on Valentine’s Day, but I am–and Pete, my husband, knows it—in fact, he actually proposed on February 14th because he knew how much the day means to me.

No Valentine? This was not good.

Hoping that he planned a secret surprise, I went ahead with my Valentine’s gift (breakfast in bed, a perfect card, and a gift certificate for an hour massage at his favorite spa). I brought everything upstairs, and he just smiled, kissed me and told me to wait. I still remember him saying, “It’s going to be great.”

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