Football Fan

Football We have three boys, and as you might imagine, the television is tuned to sports 24-7.  My husband enjoys sports, but he is not really a sports nut.  As the boys have grown, they have gotten even more interested in the rules of the game, and they follow the statistics of each and every player.

My husband has been able to “fake” his knowledge for the most part.  However, last Sunday, during the football game, there were several calls by the ref that were questionable.  The three boys started arguing to prove their respective points.  I know my husband wanted to step in as the expert, but he was stumped!

It was then that I noticed him excusing himself to the bathroom with “The Female Fan Guide to Pro Football” tucked under his arm.

Lame?  Maybe.  But, adorable…nonetheless.

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First Child

BabyMy husband and I had our first child recently. Our child had his first doctor’s appointment when he was a week old. We gathered his things and went to the appointment. After leaving the appointment, we gathered his things and returned home. I was still recovering from a C-section at the time. So, my husband was in charge of carrying the car seat for the time being. I got out of the car and shut the door. My husband got out of the car, pushed the door luck and shut the door. I just stared at him. He gave me one of those “What are you looking at me for?” looks.

I continued to stare at him and finally I asked him, “Did you forget something?” Eventually it hit him that he forgot to get the baby out of the back seat before locking the door. Needless to say he felt both embarrassed. Let’s just hope this doesn’t happen again.

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A Lame 30th Birthday

We’ve heard this before. He promises a great surprise and then when the gift arrives… well, you can come to your own conclusions about this one.

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Abt Noam

Our son, Alex, was finishing up his senior year of college, and he and his friends were scrambling to secure jobs.  He had a good friend named Noam, who had been offered a paralegal position at a law firm in Washington, DC.  He was pleased to have a job offer, but he had really wanted to work in their NY office.

When Alex came home for the weekend, he asked his dad if he knew any lawyers at the law firm in question.  “Sure,” said Fred.  “I went to college with a couple of the guys who are now partners.  What do you need?”

Alex asked his father to contact one of the partners to see if he could get Noam’s position switched to NY, without offending the DC office.

“No problem,” Fred replied.

Alex went back to school on Monday, and was a little worried that his dad might forget all about it.  That evening, he sent Fred a text, “don’t forget abt noam.”

Fred HAD forgotten all about it, but this was just the reminder he needed.   He pulled out his Blackberry, and drafted a quick email to his good friend, Phil.  “I am writing to ask for a favor for my son’s friend, Abt Noam.  I have known Abt Noam for about three years, and he is a great kid.  He has received a job offer in your DC office and would prefer to work in NY.  Might you be able to help Abt out?  Let’s talk tomorrow.”

Now, it is pretty important for Fred to get credit for his good deeds, so he blind-copied me on the email.

I read my screen in disbelief.  “What!  Who is Abt?  I know the boy’s name is a bit different, but really…getting it completely wrong?”

Continue reading this story »

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On The Border

I get embarrassed just thinking about this one.

I was with my husband on a trip in Niagara Falls. We had been on the Canadian side and were about ready to cross back over to the US side. As we were going through customs my husband was driving our large truck and he pulled slowly to the window where the guard was standing.

The guard looks at my husband and says, “What is your nationality?” My husband spouts off “Ohio” (state changed to protect the innocent LOL).

The guard looks a bit irritated and says again, “What is your nationality?” My husband is clearly confused at this point and looks toward me for advice…I said under my breath, “Tell him you are AMERICAN!!!” The whole time I was thinking, “Oh my gosh.

They are going to pull out the SWAT team on us any moment. We are not going to get back across the border!!” I will NEVER forget the expressions on the guards face, my husband’s or the lovely feeling as we finally crossed safely back into the US.

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Name That Man

My husband had spent the day at a conference.  He was tired, but it was “date night,” and he agreed to meet me at a new restaurant on Las Olas Boulevard.

When we sat down, the waitress came over to take our drink order.  He was wearing one of those giant nametags—the ones that say, “Hello, My Name is________”

The waitress took my drink order, winked at me, and turned to my husband and said, “Mike, what can I get you?”

He was a bit taken aback.  “Uh.  I’ll have a gin and tonic, please.”

As the waitress walked away, I leaned in and said, “Mike, how do you KNOW her?”

“I don’t!” he exclaimed.  “Uh…I…uh…I don’t know how she knew my name.”

“Really?  You have never met her?”   I could hardly contain my amusement.

The waitress appeared a few seconds later with our drinks.  She was flirting with him at this point, clearly making Mike even more uncomfortable.

After she set his drink down, we both looked at him and simultaneously pointed to his nametag.  I think Mike’s reaction was a combination of slight annoyance and utter relief.

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Dancing Fool

John Travolta DancingExactly one year ago from today, I won two tickets to a mixed martial arts championship by giving the correct answer to a radio DJ’s trivia question about the show “I Love Lucy”.  I told my husband, Mark, the news as soon as I got home from work.  This was the day I found out that I had apparently married a martial arts guru.  Mark began to excitingly rattle off information on the top fighters, and how he could take any of them in a one on one brawl. 

While Mark was getting his testosterone fill during the fight, we had some downtime between matchups. Mark eyed a video game in the Coliseum’s arcade and decided to showcase his reflexes by playing a game of Dance Dance Revolution. Now mind you, my husband, has the reflexes of a senile bingo player. Watching my husband play a pre-pubescent teenager in a video game was priceless.

Fourteen rematches and five overpriced bottles of water later, Mark realized that maybe he wasn’t the young athlete he once used to be.  On the ride home, I consoled him by reminding him that he outgrew video games a long time ago and there was no way he could out DDR a practiced 12 year old.  I really got a chuckle out of  Mark  defending his outdated skills in video games and smack talking a 12 year old behind his back. Oh, and the mixed martial arts was fun too.

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Cooking

 

Burnt chicken Last night my husband finally decided to do the cooking (it’s only been 20 years of marriage for him to make this offer). He’d been resisting of course as his culinary skills are terrible. He’d sooner throw the can of beans at the wall before figuring out that he could open the drawer for a can opener.

So, in his first attempt ever in the kitchen, he started by getting out a recipe book.

He got a saucepan, stuck it on the burner, and lit it.

What next? Oh, yes, fry the chicken. Did he chop it up? No, it was bloody terrible. You’d think that he would see how burnt it became but ALSO no. He added the spices and the sauce and attempted to stir.

He was meant to use Cous Cous.  However, being a bloke, this wasn’t an option so he replaced my beautiful idea of a romantic meal with CHIPS!

Needless to say, the meal looked like what it should have been an hour after I digested it, brown, sticky, and pretty awful.

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Linked…In A Lame Way

Social MediaI own a business, and I am on Linked In. I have a profile with a couple hundred connections. I am not really an active user, but I read it whenever I get updates, and it is important for my business, as I can research potential new hires, vendors and service providers.

My husband is new to Linked In. He has a profile with a couple of skills listed, as well as a few connections.

Yesterday, I received several email notifications. “You have received an endorsement on Linked In”–five separate times. I read the emails more closely. They were endorsements from my husband! How embarrassing is that? I have no endorsements from people I have actually worked with, but I now have five, and they are all from him.

When I asked him, “Why?” he simply smiled and said that he thought it was like “friending” someone on Facebook. Ugh. Super mortifying.

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Third Anniversary Surprise

tie rackFor our third wedding anniversary, my husband surprised me. He arranged our dinner out that night and the babysitter for our kids. I didn’t have to do anything but be ready at the appointed time. He picked a good restaurant and we had a lovely time. He told me my gift would be waiting at home and that I’d love it. As you can imagine, the excitement was almost too much to bear. We get home, I walk into our closet and sitting on the floor is my gift. A tie rack. Yep, a tie rack. He thought it’d be the perfect gift since I’m always complaining about his ties being everywhere. Now I can have the neat and organized closet I want. Sigh… yay.

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